Confessions of a male chauvinist.

A child of the 1950s and ‘60s, I grew up with a fundamental attitude that men were superior.  It only made sense to me. 

Men where the heroes of the movies and TV shows I watched. Men were stronger; especially my dad, who as a powerfully built carpenter was like Hercules to me. Men ran the government, they reported the news, they fought in wars, they brought home the bacon…I mean…just look how amazing men were!  And I was blessed to be one of them.  My sister will probably even tell you I was smug about it.

So, when I went off to college and got serious about making something out of myself, I didn’t really consider women to be my competition, or even my equal, really.  

I grew up with stuff like this.  Really.

Just pick one. They are all crazy. 

My guess is a lot of my peers felt the same way.  We joked about our status as men.  We kidded each other about it (“Don’t be a pussy”).  In an expression of frustration, when I was between wives, my dad even said, “Just pick one. They are all crazy.” It took many years, many revelations, and a few marriages for me to finally realize my take on the world of men/women wasn’t working for me.  In fact, these attitudes really weren’t working for society as a whole.

However, when I married my entrepreneurial wife, it really began to hit me: these deep seeded cultural underpinnings of mine had to change.  At least if I wanted to stay married and grow, they had to change.  I had to learn how to honor who she was and what she was striving to become.  It became increasingly obvious that she wasn’t going to give up her pursuits, and that if I actually helped her, she could power our two-person family to some interesting, engaging and rewarding places.  

The turmoil of my evolving sense of self. 

This turned out to be a difficult transition on my part.  And it took some understanding on hers.  There were emotional battles between us, for which I don’t think either one of us fully realized the reasons.  Looking back, for me it was mostly my own turmoil of my evolving concept of self, of women and what it now means for me to be a ‘man’ in our community.

Kelly founded the business.  I came on after a few years as an equal partner. But it became increasingly obvious this was her passion.  As we progressed, we became a certified woman-owned business, which meant she held the majority shares in the business and she was the one ultimately responsible for business decisions and as well, became the ‘face’ of the business.  She was leading this charge, so to speak.  Wasn’t I supposed to be doing that? Was I less of a man if I wasn’t? And how could I find relevance in a position that was a supporting role? (A role I was not entirely comfortable with.) 

 Still a work in progress.

This is still a work in progress for me.  Whereas my wife is taking to this situation like a duck to water, I am at times struggling with relevance and how to contribute.  Luckily, my experience still offers value to the company’s efforts.  So, I can hang my hat on that and at least feel somewhat integrated into this female dominated business.  A business that has grown considerably and now takes the efforts of 20 people.

I am certain many men of my age still allude to our perceived superiority when it is 'just us' talking.  And I must confess, I am, at times, guilty of such things. But we say it quietly, almost under our breath.  We know we are on very shaky ground and don’t want people to think less of us for even sharing these thoughts.  Understand it is somewhat out of habit that we fall back into this comfortable exchange between us men.  But we know, we certainly know, our society has moved beyond this archaic thinking.  It is up to us to be part of the on-going march toward acceptance and equality. And we know it is a march for the good of all of us men and women.

More soon.